You can't force a man to be a father. Life lessons.

One of the hardest parts of being a single mother, for me has been dealing with the Ex. He is not the type of person one may call easy to deal with. Aside from the fact that he has serious problems in his life that he needs help with, he has never really been there. We have been to court, he has filed for custody of my son in order to escape his child support responsibilities. After all the court visits and his failure to even appear in court, the judge finally said some words to me that just clicked in my head. "You can't force a man to be a father." At the time I had not realized it, but for the sake of my son have his dad around this was exactly what I was trying to do. And after years of him popping in and out of my sons life. Playing with my sons emotions, I have decided that I am no longer forcing anything to happen. I have all the rights towards my son nowadays but not by choice, he just does not want to be present. After I stopped feeling bad that my son did not have his daddy to share things with, I realized that my son does have me. And I get to watch him grow, I get the kisses, I get the hugs, I get the love. I am perfectly fine with that nowadays. Besides that, I rather be the one doing this than putting my son in any kind of danger as he would be with his father who is not mentally/physically stable. As hard as it may be, to be a single mom, sometimes you gotta take a long hard look realistically at the situation and see if all that arguing and going back and forth to court is worth it. Now by all means, if the father actually wants to be involved that is a great blessing. But for those of us who know what a dead beat dad is, stop forcing it to happen. You will reap the rewards and time and child support will eventually catch up with him. No matter how hard things get, never stop trying and never give up. Your child has you, he needs you. Be there.

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